The Art of No

Mind you, I suck at saying no. Like, so so bad. It’s actually one of my worst traits.

Saying no frays my nerves. It let’s people down, which leads to confrontation, which leads to grudges— & combined, those are just a few of my least favorite things ever (but mainly the whole confrontation thing).

My family & friends have given me lectures on this exact subject as it’s kinda become a huge issue for me. It’s lost me money, it’s lost me my sanity, & most importantly- it’s lost me time. SO, I did what I do best, & hit up my BFF Google for some advice. I quickly learned saying no is one of the top traits of succesful people. They get more shit done because they know how to prioritize/what needs their attention most.

So basically, I’m fucked. Unless I start learning to say no… like yesterday.

Your time & energy is a resource, prioritize where you want to deplete it because people pleasing is a MASSIVE time suck. Here are a few little life hacks I’ve been trying to implement on the daily to help me say no easier, & in turn get way more shit done…

1. know your people pleasing distractions: for me, it’s my email inbox. I have a hard time moving forward with my day till I’ve answered everyones emails. For my personal trainer (we had this convo yesterday), it’s his text messages. Pinpoint what people pleasing activity distracts you from your priorities, & actively try to address it/ween off of it. For example- the first thing I would typically do when I woke up was to answer all emails. Instead, I am now waking up, taking 5 minutes in bed to STAR the really time sensitive ones, having a nice breakfast, & then getting back to those starred emails ONLY. Now, I’ve prioritized the important emails, & also prioritized having breakfast (which I used to skip, thanks to my OCD email compulsion).

2. change the way you think about saying NO: don’t go into it thinking someone is gonna hate you for saying no, because it’s the opposite. Saying NO really just shows people you’ve got your own set of goals you are working towards & they will respect you for that.

3. keep an eye out for tactics: know a guilt trip when you see one, and don’t get sucked into it. Is it more rude to say no to someone or to manipulate someone into saying yes? I’d go with the latter (i.e. “you never have time for me anymore, let’s do lunch on Wednesday”. That’s a guilt trip, & that’s not cool. also, that said, don’t leave room for guilt. Be strong in your NO.

4. stop w/ the excuses: you don’t need to always back yourself up with all these excuses. Know you’re planning to say no, say no, & move on. Excuses make you look more insecure in your response & will make the other person feel like they have room to convince you. Also, don’t over apologize. You can drop a “so sorry, but I can’t make it because I have a deadline to meet”, but just don’t over do it with the apologies. Saying no to prioritize your own goals is nothing to apologize for.

5. embracing the power of NO is liberating: eh, I mean, I am still trying on this one. The thought of saying no still makes me uneasy, but if I start to think about it as a liberating act versus nerve wracking situation- I am hoping that will help! I do believe there is a lot of power in trusting your intuition & knowing what is outside your comfort zone and/or what is going to hold you back from your end goal. People pleasing kills time and productivity, while saying no can create new opportunities & give you a major confidence boost.

Brene Brown says it best with her personal mantra, “choose discomfort over resentment”. Simple, to the point, & so damn true… because saying yes to shit you don’t want to do ALWAYS leads to resentment & that’s the worst.

SO- what do you guys think? Are you good at saying no or… no? ha. Let me know & if you have any tips for being better at saying no- do tell!! x, E