…& that is the response you may get from my Mom when you ask her about her 25 year relationship with her partner, Hedy.
BUT BEFORE WE GO FURTHER W/ THIS STORY… quick disclaimer: I have not written this post yet because I really don’t feel comfortable sharing someone else’s story. This is my Mom’s story, & although we discussed this post prior to it going live (her & Hedy will both proof read before I post!), I don’t intend to share her story. I simply plan to share my experience discovering my Mom was gay.
Now that that’s out of the way- let’s rewind to me at 12-ish years old.
I was a real brat back then & one of my favorite things to do was to listen in on peoples phone calls. I can remember this day like it was yesterday- I shared a room with my sister & there were two twin water beds in the room separated by a square wooden table. On the table was our *very cool* CLEAR landline phone (the kind you could see the wires through), I would spend my nights sitting under that table & eavesdropping on everyone’s calls in the house. This particular day I was listening to my Mom talk to her friend Hedy when I heard them say “I love you” to each other before hanging up the phone.
I recall being very pissy that night/the rest of the next day, trying to wrap my head around what this all meant. This wasn’t abnormal behavior since I was a pretty moody ass child so no one really said anything. That night, the night after the eavesdropping, my mom, sister, & myself went to the grocery store. I was sitting in the back seat of my mom’s mustang in the grocery store parking lot when she finally asked me what was up with my mood. I blurted out, nearly in tears, “WHY DID YOU TELL HEDY YOU LOVED HER?”.
My sister (she knew already) & Mom looked at each other, suggested we do our shopping, & then go home to have the talk.
The conversation, to sum it up (cause this part I weirdly don’t recall well), was that my mom loved Hedy & Hedy loved my Mom in a way that was more than friends. I was very upset & also I just wasn’t getting it. Does that mean my parents are never getting back together? Are they gonna kiss it front of me? What does this even mean?
I was young, confused, angry, & not fully capable of comprehending what this all meant. I honestly don’t think my young brain was developed enough to put all the pieces together, so I kinda pretended that wasn’t the case. I didn’t get it, so I just sort of ignored it. I went to therapy to discuss, but to me my mom & Hedy were friends, just like they’ve been for the past however many years, & that was that. I also recall clinging to my Dad a lot during this time. I was a very empathetic child & was so concerned about his feelings all the time. I remember being super conflicted, wanting to be with my Dad cause I was worried he was lonely but then when I was with him, I would miss my Mom so much.
Then, at around 15, my life was kind of flipped upside down. My sister went to college, my Dad was relocated to Texas for work, & my Mom told me that we were moving in with Hedy & her daughter (who was a year older than me). I was less than thrilled with this plan & I felt super alone without my Dad or sister close by. I was just about to start my freshman year of highschool- a time when literally all you care about is what other people think of you & was overly concerned with how was I supposed to explain my living situation to all my friends.
…& that’s when I came up with the most ridiculous lie of all time which, looking back, is just SO cringey. When my friends came over I would, not even being asked, inform everyone that we all lived together cause my Mom was struggling financially & there were actually two bedrooms back where my Mom & Hedy’s room was.
This couldn’t be further from the truth.
I am not sure why I hid it. I didn’t feel embarrassment over the situation, I just didn’t know how to explain & was scared people would judge me or WORSE YET- judge my Mom. I was a little angsty teen at this time so there was a lot of acting out towards my Mom & Hedy… but I was still very protective of my Mom & I knew that coming out was NOT easy on her, so I didn’t want anyone to look at her differently.
I started to grow up, & of course, came to understand & fully accept it all. My friends OBVIOUSLY didn’t think any differently about anything. There were definitely our fair share of ups & downs navigating this new normal, but the end of the day, my Mom was happy, I could see it, & that was all that mattered.
FFW present day: Hedy has been in our lives for 29 years & I very PROUDLY call her my step-mom, she loves my Mom, my Mom loves her, we all LOVE Hedy, my Mom & Dad are friends, my sister lives down the street from my Mom… & I wouldn’t want anything other than my big crazy modern family.
When you are younger you always hear your parents talk about how your happiness is the most important, but as you get older & that relationship evolves- you can only wish for your parents happiness in life.
Now, just a quick note to my Mom since she will be reading this before it goes live…
MOM- I am SO sorry to you (& Hedy) for being a monster as a teenager. I am sorry I needed more time to understand. I am sorry I made up that stupid lie however many years ago. You are my best friend, my world, & I AM SO PROUD OF YOU everyday!!!! I love seeing you happy & I know things weren’t always easy on you, but you stayed true to yourself & you really are the strongest most BADASS woman I know. I count my lucky stars everyday that you were chosen as my Mom. I really hit the Mom lotto with you girl.
IT’S 2019 PEOPLE, LOVE IS LOVE!!