I once told a therapist that I was “sick” because I suffered from anxiety. Her response was, “no… you’re actually well, because you do the work to deal with the issue. Someone sick doesn’t do as much as you do to take care of yourself mentally.”
That stuck with me.
There is such a negative stigma surrounding people with anxiety, making them to believe they are sick, which was the inspiration behind my (very personal) anxiety story post. I wanted to write that post for a few reasons. First of all, I wanted to show a different side of me, not the me you see on Instagram, but the behind the scenes me… who I really am beyond those little squares. I also wanted to help others not feel so alone or ashamed of their struggles, which in turn really helped me feel less along. Lastly, I wanted to share all of the ways I cope with my anxiety so other people can be active in confronting & dealing w/ their anxiety in healthy & effective ways.
The whole thing was very therapeutic on my end. The support was mind blowing & just the act of writing has always helped calm my nerves. SO- I wanted to dig a little deeper & share with you guys one of my main anxieties.
Social situations, aka social anxiety. I actually don’t get as much anxiety in a large social settings (unless public speaking, which is pretty much a non negotiable for me), but more so in one-on-one situations. The idea of talking to someone I don’t know is actually making my heart palpitate out of my chest as we speak (p.s. this is the newest way my anxiety has decided to present itself… & it’s pretty fucking uncomfortable).
Here’s the thing, the reason behind this post, I have a big Skype interview planned in the near future & I am already ruminating about it. Awkward silence, bad jokes, lulls in conversation, not enough to talk about, stuttering… the list could go on. I am 100% over preparing & over thinking… but an anxious mind is really hard to negotiate with.
SO- today I am sharing with you guys a few tips to help deal with social anxiety specifically… but also to help give me a little refresher to help calm my nerves.
1. Metta Meditation: Metta is a Buddhist practice, also known as loving-kindness meditation, helps cultivate compassion for yourself & others. In this case, you should always start with yourself because it is important when you’re feeling anxious to send all that compassion inward, but following up with a Metta meditation for someone else helps to bring you into the present & emit good energy around you. You can read more about Metta meditation here to see how it’s done + there is a great video here.
2. Somatic Therapy: I recently started Somatic therapy & it has been really helpful. This type of therapy is all about the mind body connection & helps to retrain the nervous system. Just to give you an idea of what we do, my therapist shows me ways to literally move my thoughts from the amygdala (where emotions come from) to the prefrontal cortex (the more rational part of your brain). One of these ways is to notice when you feel anxiety, begin to look around the room & locate three things you see in the room, three things you smell in the room, & three different textures you can touch in the room. Just doing this once brings you out of that anxious state & into the present moment. Also, the act of petting a dog helps do the same thing cause the texture of their coat moves you out of that emotional part of the brain. The whole thing is not only very interesting, but the most effective therapy I have tried in a while. If you are a local to San Diego you can check out where I go for this here, Lara is amazing!!
3. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness is an important part of combatting anxiety & also something we talk a lot about in my Somatic sessions. Just the act of being mindful & aware of your anxiety, sitting with it, getting to know it, acknowledging how it makes you feel, all help ease the symptoms of anxiety. When you practice mindfulness on the daily, you are slowly training yourself to quickly recognize when anxiety presents itself so that you can put your coping mechanisms into action & redirect the negative spiral of nerves.
4. Deep Breathing: I know- SO BASIC of a tip, but deep breathing is key. I am sure you have heard of people breathing into a paper bag to help relax when in a panic situation, & this actually works. Just the act of recycling the carbon dioxide will help greatly to ease your symptoms. If you don’t have a paper bag on hand, that is fine too, you can breathe into your hand or you can just practice taking deep breaths from the hearts center to shift your breathing into a state of calm.
5. See a Naturopath: if you have time before a social setting or just want to get a better grip on your anxiety, I highly suggest you consider talking to a naturopath. I recently started going to Nourish Medical Center to help pinpoint more closely the cause of my anxiety. They can perform a test that actually determine if something is going on in our brain cause your anxiety to worsen- they test gaba levels, serotonin levels, & they test for the MTHFR gene mutation (a lot of people do & it is a huge cause of anxiety). I took the test & learned I actually was taking too high of a dosage of a certain anxiety medicine which was actually causing my serotonin to be way too high- which is not good for anxiety. I also learned I had MTHFR gene mutation on both the x & y chromosome (meaning both my parents also have the mutation), & that I needed to supplement my gaba. All of these little things add up to helping solve the problem & have been incredibly helpful for me!
**not added to the list, because I haven’t tried it, but I am super into the idea of a fidget spinner. I know it’s so 7th grade of me, but I feel like during my interview if I had that in one hand it could distract my mind from over thinking**
If you guys have any tips for dealing with social anxiety, specifically of the one-on-one type, do share in the comments below!!! x, E